For some women that time of month is a dreaded event. The cramps, bloating, fatigue, irritability and mood swings are the norm for the hormonal roller coaster we go through. But for others it is frightening worse. Yes TOM (time of month), as my friends and I call it, can become a devil, showing its ugly side and tormenting its victim by throwing a wrench on the tracks or speeding things up. What exactly am I talking about?

 Have you ever had really bad cramps? I know most of you ladies will jump up and say, “Well duh! Of course! Everyone does.”  Well,

• Have these cramps been bad enough to interfere with your life?
• Have you had to miss work or school because you were in too much pain to move?
• Have you had sharp pains days before TOM shows up?
• Have you experienced nausea, vomiting or dizziness along with the pain?
• Have traditional over the counter pain relievers failed you majority of the time?
• Have you gone to doctors trying to explain what you go through every month only to be prescribed naproxen, tylenol or other non-narcotic medication that doesn’t really help?

If you answered ‘yes’ to almost all of these than perhaps you’re like me. Perhaps you have dysmenorrhea. If you look up the term online more often it will be thrown in the bucket of “regular menstrual cramps.” But that is not the case. Here’s what The American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has to say:

“More than one half of women who menstruate have some pain for 1–2 days each month. Usually, the pain is mild. But sometimes the pain is so severe it keeps them from normal activity. Pain this severe is called dysmenorrhea.”

And also

“Although most women have some discomfort with their periods, sometimes the pain is severe and may be accompanied by other symptoms. This is called dysmenorrhea.”

Uh, I think we got it. It’s severe pain with other stuff thrown into the mix.

Symptoms:

• Cramps or pain in the lower abdomen or lower back
• Pulling feeling in the inner thighs
• Diarrhea
• Nausea
• Vomiting
• Headache
• Dizziness

There are two types of dysmenorrhea, primary and secondary. Primary is caused by none other than your own secretion of hormones while secondary is caused by something other than you’re hormones like fibroids. You’ll have to check with your gynecologist to see if you have dysmenorrhea and which one you have if you think this fits you. The ACOG also give possible treatment but again, talk to your doctor to see which will be better for you.

Treatment:

• NSAIDs, like ibuprofen or naproxen (none really work for me but that could be just me!)
• COX-2 inhibitors
• Birth Control (which worked better for me!)
• Surgery (If you have a fibroid or a cyst)
• Acupuncture

And the list goes on! I hope I’ve helped shed a light on something many women and teens suffer from every month. Too many times we get ignored simply because people think we exaggerate, want attention, or are lazy and just don’t want to go into work and using the pain as an excuse. I assure you we are not! This is real. It happens.

Here’s the link to the information from the ACOG: http://www.acog.org/publications/patient_education/bp046.cfm  use it wisely!

I was reading a book in between my classes Thursday when suddenly what I read gave me an epiphany. It hit me with such force that I had to rest my head in my hands. Oh man! I can’t believe this. It wasn’t subtle at all. It was a shout of clarity. There is no mistake about it. I can’t doubt what I heard and felt. It was there slapping me in the face! All I read was “one of the greatest blessings is to catch a glimpse of your role and mission. Although,” when the epiphany hit me in the head.

I SHOULD BE WRITING.

For those that know me are probably thinking to yourself, “well, duh! I could’ve told you that! In fact, I did tell you!” I know! I know! But, to hear someone say it and know it within me is two totally different things. I’ve always said that I write. When people ask me what do I like to do and I say ‘write.’ For the longest of time it felt like a reflex and not something I believed. I’ve always wondered what I should be doing in life. What is my gift and what is my calling. Reading that sentence triggered a violent reaction within me. It was as though my spirit was fed up with me not listening so it decided to scream at me.  I am sorry my spirit. I am sorry for not hearing you earlier.

I do not know why it’s taking me so long to finally see what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m supposed to be writing. I should be writing. But I am not a writer. I am not a title. I am me and my skill and gift is writing. Perhaps that is why I was so reluctant. I do not want to be defined by what I do. To be called a ‘writer’ and saying that’s who I am is what turned me off.  I’m more than that. Notice the epiphany didn’t say “I’m a writer” or “I need to be writing.” No, it said “I should be writing.” Meaning, that I should be using my talents to write what’s within me.

Now the question is what do I write? Anything I want to….

Because I should be writing.

Having gotten my license and having frequent trips to the library to gather inspirational books, my writing anxiety is slowly slipping away. Not only that but I'm feeling a lot better in general. More importantly about myself which is awesome! Between books about writing from the heart and books about reconnecting to yourself, your soul, and God, I'm becoming more at ease and focused. So, I won't be doing any more venting. My inner voice, intuition, angel, God, whatever you want to call it, has told me to let it all go. I've made peace with it all and no longer need to vent away my frustrations. Inwardly I feel as though the darkness has receded and I'm open for limitless, glorious light. It may sound crazy but that's how it feels, how I feel.

I do feel good. I feel more positive for some reason. And believe me it wasn't easy getting here. Doubt, fear and pessimism plagued me for a long time. Although I'm not totally cured of it all, I know that this kind of dis-ease isn't something I have to carry around with me. If I get tired of it enough I can shed it all. Which is what happened. I got so sick and tired of feeling guilt, fear, doubt and negativity. 

I haven't gone to church, read a bible, or somehow "got religion." I've simply made steps to reconnect with myself spiritually and to a higher being. He has many names. You can call Him whatever name you like. You can even call Him a Her. It truly doesn't matter. All He wants is for you to be happy and trust Him and yourself. Have more faith. Have no fear. Believe. No easy task. There will be times you will fall in that regard. But once you picked yourself up, you'll see things are brighter and better than you thought. 

And it's simple. Eat right to the best of your ability, exercise, meditate and do breathing exercises, and talk to Him. It doesn't matter how you talk to Him. You can write Him a letter, talk to Him out loud or in your head or both. You can sing a song that reflects how you feel or what you want to say. As long as you converse with Him. Tell Him everything no matter how small and trivial you think it is. It's okay if you feel stupid or uncomfortable. It's not something you're use to doing. It's okay. As long as you make the effort and explain that you're feeling uncomfortable He'll understand. Some people talk to Him unconsciously and often. They don't realize it. That's fine too. And you don't have to talk to Him solely when you're in trouble. You can talk to Him all the time. Anytime. 

I've unconsciouly known that for awhile. In a story my friend and I do online, God has said that He wishes His children would talk to Him more. That they stop being afraid of Him. He's not going to yell, scream or reprimand them as they've come to believe. He just want to be close to His children. He wants to love them. He spoke of frustration of how they only come to Him when they're in trouble and afterwards they seem to forget about Him. He also spoke how people believed that He hates them for being who they are, how He made them. He created them all, why would He hate, disown or disregard something that He made unique? Why would He turn away something that is most precious to Him. He loves us ALL! All of us. Any message that doesn't speak to that isn't of Him. He is not hate. He is LOVE. He will not persecute someone for being how He made them. That's like purposely painting your walls blue and then suddenly hollering "I hate these walls! I hate them! I hate the color!" Then why did you paint the walls blue in the first place if you didn't like or love the color? He made us all different and He loves us all just like we are. Even the "evil" people. Because of free will He will not interfere in our choices but it does sadden him to see His children commit acts of violence and hate on each other. Yet even with that He still loves us all. 

That's what God had me have God in the story say. It didn't sink in for the longest of time but it has now. Today as I sat peacefully listening to an inspirational tape, I partially did a meditative exercise to open up the heart chakra. At the end of the exercise she said to hug ourselves which I did. Suddenly I thought and said aloud "I'm sorry me. I love you. I really love you." I began to cry because this was the first time in a long time that I meant it and felt it. My God! I actually love myself. I love me. As I cried and continued to embrace me into my own arms I heard a voice say, "You are loved. You are loved." I cried more and thought, "I know. I know I'm loved but I forget sometimes. Forgive me. I forget. But I am loved, truly loved." I continued to cry and then I heard "Go back to him." And at first I thought the voice was talking about my ex. If this was a movie you would've heard screeching records at that moment. "What?! Noway! I'm not going back to him! Please don't make me! Oh God, don't make me! I feel free and happier without him! Why?!" The voice continued to say, "Go back to Him." Finally I understood which Him the voice was talking about. Okay, I can do that. Then I felt a gut reaction saying that I can find further peace if I can send my ex a message letting him know that I forgive him. I forgive him for everything. Apologize for everything I've done to him and I forgive him and don't hate him. 

I haven't done it yet. Simply because I've been writing in my journals and on my blog. But I will do it. For myself. Because I love myself as it should be.